


I Don't Have a Problem

by plisetskees



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, M/M, Sex Addiction, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-01
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 23:00:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1875732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plisetskees/pseuds/plisetskees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alfred thinks Matt is a sex addict, and forces him into a group addiction therapy. During one particularly boring meeting, a junkie named Jan shows up and makes the experience far more interesting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Don't Have a Problem

**Author's Note:**

> i should be writing artistic expressions but this is nagging me bad oops

Another day, another addictions meeting.

My brother, the psychology major, forces me to go to them at least once a week. He says 'the only way I can get better is to see people who are in similar states as I am.' But he never seems to listen when I say I don't have a problem. And I genuinely don't.

I just like to have sex.

I don't know where Alfred got the idea in his head that I have an addiction to sex. Especially since, as of late, I have only been having sex with one guy. The stupid counselor told me settling down was a good sign, a sign that I was 'overcoming my addiction.' I tried to tell Alfred that, but he wouldn't listen. Fucking Americans.

But enough about that, let's talk about me. My name is Matthew Williams. I'm 24, I work a dead end job at a local head shop, and I'm 100% Grade A Canadian, hailing straight from Calgary, Alberta. How did I end up in Washington state? Long story short, I ended up getting adopted at 16 by my cousin, Francis, and his husband, Arthur, after it became common knowledge in my family that he was abusing me.

Alfred, Arthur's son from a previous marriage, said that was the reason I ended up addicted to sex. He gave me some bullshit statistic when he was in college once, '82% of sex addicts were sexually abused as children.' Let me tell you, I still haven't forgiven Arthur for telling Alfred that my dad did that, but whatever. Alfred was dead wrong. What my dad did barely even affected me. I wouldn't have a HEALTHY sexual relationship right now if it had, I would never want a penis anywhere near me ever again. I don't know why Alfred never thought about that.

But, whatever. None of that matters, because, right now, I'm stuck in the third addictions meeting this month, counting down the minutes left until I can get out and back to my boyfriend, Ivan. Maybe if I’m lucky I can get in some loving before he get too drunk. But at this rate, I’m not sure. The meeting is already running over time. There’s a man from Estonia talking about his addiction to computers, and he just keeps going _on_ and _on._

I take a drink from my shitty coffee, and groan. Estonian is still ranting about how his life has been ruined by his compulsive need to have the newest computer mouse, or whatever, when the door opens. I turn to look, and I see a guy walk in. He’s skinny, and pale. There’s dark circles under his eyes. He’s a junkie, and I can tell that almost immediately. He shuffles into the room, and takes a seat a few to the left of me. He isn’t that bad looking, honestly. I could imagine being spread out underneath of him- I quickly return my thoughts to Ivan.

I don’t know when Estonian stopped talking, but eventually, he had said all he needed to, and sat down. The group leader, a big, Aryan German named Ludwig, gestures for the new junkie to stand up and introduce himself. The junkie does it with surprisingly little grumbling. He goes to the little podium the group has, and he starts his own speech.

“Hi, my name is, uh, Jan. I’m addicted to cocaine, and, pills, too. Probably.” The guy has a European accent. Probably from the Benelux region. “Hi, Jan.” The group calls back to him, myself included. Nobody pronounces his name right, myself excluded. Jan looks to Ludwig, and gives him a near pathetic look. “I-I don’t know what to say.” Jan says it softly, and no one else probably heard him, but I tend to pay attention to hot pieces of ass like him. (I really shouldn’t think things like that.) “Just tell us about yourself. How you came to be addicted and why you came to us today.” Ludwig is a straightforward kind of psychologist.

“Well, I’ve been addicted for 5 years. I started using when I came to America for college, and I got addicted pretty easily. That’s about it for how I got addicted. I came here because my little sister forced me to. She’s, uh. Sitting outside, in her car, making sure I don’t leave.” A man after my own heart. Alfred did the same thing to me for nearly 3 months when he first forced me into the program. “Do you want to get clean, Jan? Or are you just trying to please your sister?” Ludwig asks, and Jan lets out a sigh. “All I can think about right now is getting rid of Laura so I can get a hit without her knowing. Does that tell you anything?” I can tell that statement shocked Ludwig. Most of the people in the group aren’t so straightforward. “Well, at least you can admit you have a problem. That’s better than some in this group.”

 _Sly dig, Lud,_ I think. Of course he’s talking about me. Who else is there to talk about? Estonian obviously knows he has a problem. There was the gambling addict, a young girl named Germaine, who cried, weekly, about all the money she’s lost. The meth-head whose name I still wasn’t sure of who never really talked, that probably would admit that, yeah, he smokes a lot of meth, and he probably shouldn’t. But, these guys, they all actually have problems. I don’t have a problem, so I won’t admit to something that isn’t true.

“Yeah. I’m, uh, sitting down now.” Jan says, and he does. “Matt, why don’t you go up next?” Ludwig asks, and I do, albeit with a bit of a grumble. I lean on the podium and sigh. “I’ve been coming to these meetings for a long time, Lud. I don’t know why you keep insisting I talk every week.” I say coolly. “Because I’m hoping one of these days, you’ll admit your problem.” Ludwig says, and I laugh. “I don’t have a problem, Lud.” “I think you do, Matt. Why don’t you let Jan and Eduard know why you’re here?” Ludwig asks, and I groan.

“Hi, my name is Matt. Lud and my brother think I’m a sex addict.” I say this more to Jan than anyone else in the group. The old members know my story, and I don’t really care all that much about Estonian, or Eduard, or whoever. Jan seems like he might be an interesting guy, though. He cocks his eyebrows up at me in interest, and I give him a smile. “Tell me, Matt, how have things been going between you and Ivan?” Ludwig asks. He doesn’t like Ivan, he thinks he’s unhealthy for me, but, he always asks about him. “We’re going on 3 months now. I haven’t been unfaithful once. We’re doing fine. I’m doing fine.” I always have to assure Ludwig about this kind of stuff.

“I’m glad you’re keeping faithful, Matt. It’s good for your recovery.” Ludwig says, and I laugh. “What exactly am I recovering from, anyways?” I ask, because I honestly don’t know what Ludwig thinks is wrong with me. “You have a severe sex addiction, Matthew; I think you know that, deep down. When you first came here 6 months ago, you were having sex with a different man each night. Tell me, how often are you having sex with Ivan?” Ludwig asks, and I give him a bit of a disgusted look. “That’s kind of personal information, isn’t it?” Ludwig is really bad with boundaries. “Germaine told us how much she’s been gambling, surely you can tell us how much sex you’re having.” “I fucked him in the car before he dropped me off.” Okay, that’s a lie. Alfred dropped me off. I just like to see the shocked look on Ludwig’s face when I talk candidly about my sex life. (Maybe Ludwig should be more concerned about how much I lie than my ‘addiction.’)

“I-I still you still are having a lot of sex, even if it is with one person. That isn’t healthy, Matthew.” Ludwig has a blush on his face. “And why isn’t it?” “It leads to perversion, and infidelity.” “I’m in a healthy relationship, romantically and sexually. I think you’re wrong, Luddy.” “I think I’m right, Matt.” Ludwig says that, and I roll my eyes and return to my seat. I glance over to Jan, and he’s smirking at me. I smirk back. A fluster Ludwig asks Meth Head to go up, but, of course, he refuses.

So then Ludwig goes up and does his spiel. He talks about how we can only become better people if we overcome our addictions and if we have good Christian lives. Today he tells a story of his alcoholic brother who overcame his addiction to alcohol through Ludwig’s coaching (except, either Ludwig is lying, or he doesn’t know how his brother is doing, because Gilbert Beilschmidt lives in the same apartment complex as Ivan and I, and Gil is a party _monster._ ) He talks for a really long time, longer than normal. I hear a soft groan beside me. I look over, and Jan looks almost as bored  as I am.

On a whim, I move down a few seats. Once I’m next to Jan, I lean in close to him. “I hope you don’t have anything planned for after this, because Ludwig always manages to go an hour or two over time.” I tell him, which elicits another groan from Jan. “Are you kidding me? I’m already jonesing for a hit.” Jan says. “I definitely feel that. Ludwig’s kept me late 3 times this month. Ivan isn’t going to let me have any sex for a year.” I say. Jan laughs and looks at me. “Sounds like something a sex addict would say.” I roll my eyes. “I’m not a sex addict. I’m here for the same reason you are. My brother forces me.” I tell him. “My sister forces me to come because I’m actually a cokehead. I know I’m an addict, I just don’t care to get clean.” I hum to let Jan know I heard him.

I chat with Jan idly for the rest of the meeting until Ludwig finally decides he’s done. So Jan and I get up and leave, and we end up outside the entrance of the church where Ludwig holds the meetings. Jan pulls out a pack of cigarettes, and I decide that I need a smoke too, so I grabbed one of my own. I search my pocket for a lighter, can’t find one. “Mind if I bum a light?” I ask Jan, and he leans down to me. “Light it on my cig, my Zippo is running low.” He says around his cigarette. So, I light it. Of course I’ll take the chance to get my face close to a European hottie like Jan. I light it, he pulls away. We smoke, and make small talk.’

Eventually we finish the cigarettes. “Well, Laura is probably ready to go. I’m sure your boyfriend is missing you as well. I’ll head on. It was nice meeting you, Matt.” Jan says as he ashes his cigarette. “Same to you. See you next meeting.” And with that, I’m off. I walk to the bus stop nearby and ride it home. It takes longer than getting a ride from Alfred, but, I prefer the solitude I get from the bus. It gets me home around 10, and I get into my apartment around 10:15.

I live in a pretty shady apartment with Ivan. The elevators don’t work, and we live on the 10th floor. And, for my pathetic smoker lungs, that’s a big journey. I search my pockets for a bit, and then discover I don’t have my keys. I sigh loudly, and start to pound on the door. I hope I’m not waking Ivan up. A few moments go by with no answer, so I knock again. Still no answer, so, another knock. Just when I’m about to go to the apartment manager and ask him to let me in, the door flies open. Not a good sign, Ivan is probably pissed.

“Matvey?” The word leaves Ivan’s mouth as a heavily accented slur. Okay, maybe he isn’t mad after all. Maybe he’s just really drunk. Both are viable options. “Yeah, babe, it’s me. Sorry for being late, Ludwig went over his time _again._ ” I run to the kitchen and grab a beer before flopping back on the couch. Ivan is still standing at the open door, and he looks a bit puzzled. “Who is Ludwig?” Ivan asks, his voice full of jealousy, and I groan lightly. Ivan is really, _really_ drunk. “The German guy who runs my group meetings? The albino’s brother?” I try to jog Ivan’s memory, but it doesn’t seem to work. “Alfred makes me go to recovery meetings, remember?” “Who is Alfred?” More jealousy from Ivan, and I honestly start to get a bit scared. Ivan is a great guy, but not a nice drunk. Especially not when he’s this drunk. “My brother, Vanya.” I try to use his diminutive, to keep him calm.

And, praise God, it works. “Oh, yes.” And Ivan sits next to me. He leans over and he kisses me. We kiss passionately, and he starts to strip me of my clothes. He’s drunk, and I tell myself I shouldn’t do what I’m about to do, but my body aches, and I let Ivan take me into our bedroom and fuck me senseless.

Not that I have a problem, or anything.


End file.
